The 4 Cs: Why Connection to Ourselves is SO important

The 4 Cs of Fierce Kindness are 1) Connect, 2) Create (a life you love), 3) Contribute and 4) Choose Kindness (always). And of all the Cs, if you want to be truly happy, CONNECT is the “C” that matters most—it enables all of the others.


CONNECT is about creating a deep connection to 3 things:

  1. Yourself
  2. Others
  3. Something bigger than yourself

But the most important is Connecting to YOU.

How would you like to:

  • Wake most mornings feeling energised and looking forward to the day? And on difficult days, just know that you can handle it?
  • Embrace all your thoughts, feelings and dreams, instead of just the ones you think you should have?
  • Create a life you love—with true meaning for you?
  • Get clarity. Know what you want, what you don’t, set boundaries, take care of yourself and find inner peace in your day-today life?
  • Find belonging—making meaningful connections with others from your true self, and not just fitting in?

Connecting to YourselfWoman with Aqua Hair for Connect

Connecting to ourselves enables us to know what we really want and need, who and what matters. It enables us to make better decisions, take good care of ourselves day to day—and create a life that aligns with who we are, a life of personal meaning.

Disconnection: we all do it!

We have all, over time, shrunk or cut ourselves off from the parts of ourselves (behaviours, feelings) that other people don’t like, or that got us into trouble growing up. It’s a human survival mechanism.

But when we disconnect or cut off from ourselves like this we’re basically saying:

  • There’s something wrong with me (or those parts of us we avoid)…

So we lose connection with our selves

When we judge ourselves saying this part (and this part, and that part!) is unacceptable, it’s painful: it hurts to stuff ourselves down and disconnect from who we are.

And when we’ve ignored parts of ourselves for long enough, we become literally estranged from our ‘self’.

And this leads to overwhelm and stress because…

When we’re cut off from—and unsure of who we are—we’re unable to trust ourselves: we ignore parts of ourselves that would tell us what we’re feeling. So it’s no wonder we struggle to know what we want and need.

And this is how our lives get filled with ‘shoulds’. This is how we get stressed and overwhelmed taking care of everyone but ourselves.

Because we’re cut off from ourselves and our feelings, we’re more easily swayed and manipulated by life circumstances—and others. So we end up feeling stuck, aimless, unworthy and/or lacking the energy or will to say “no” or make changes.

Self-connection feels amazing!Happy woman connected to herself looking in mirror

When we’re deeply connected to ourselves life literally feels good—we’re led by a deep inner compass instead of by our inner critic (usually fear-based). We’re clear on who we are and what matters to us. And we feel strong and empowered, because we’ve accepted all of ourselves and have nothing to hide.

Deeply connecting to ourselves has many benefits…

A deep connection to our true self (not our constructed self!) allows us to do many things including:

  • Stay healthy! We pay attention to what we need physically and mentally—and take care of ourselves before it becomes a problem.
  • Make better decisions and be a better ‘person’! We know who we are and what matters most in our lives. We make better decisions that align with our values and are less likely to compromise on our wishes—and ethics.
  • Set goals that are truly meaningful and exciting. We know what we really want and aren’t afraid to go after it (and it’s easier to take action too)!
  • Feel stronger and more confident. We’re no longer hiding parts of ourselves—guilt and shame are no longer in charge. We move through the world more powerfully and with more ease.
  • Use our gifts! What are your strengths and talents? Where do you excel? It’s thrilling to be good at things—and this also boosts our confidence and life satisfaction.
  • Be kind and forgiving with ourselves and others. We’ve stopped ignoring parts of ourselves/accepted all of ourselves. We know we’re flawed and that we make mistakes. This makes us easier on ourselves—and others.
  • We have more energy because we’ve stopped the huge effort of trying to be someone else!
  • Find true belonging. We can connect with others more deeply, finding people we can be our true self with (‘warts’ and all).
3 Core Practices for Connecting to Yourself

The first step is often just to be in physical connection with our bodies. This calms us down, and brings us into the present moment.


  • Simply place your hand on your stomach and take 3 deep, slow breaths into your tummy (not your chest—this is shallow “stress” breathing).
  • TIP: If you find it hard to breathe deeply in this way, try actively pushing your stomach out into your hand as you breathe in (this is how I learned to breathe deeply!)


3) An hour or less – JOURNALING

I journal most days, with a gorgeous notebook and an inkpen (it feels so nice to write).

  • Journaling helps us build a relationship with ourselves—all the different parts of ourselves.
  • Do you have a journaling practice yet? Writing in a journal is a wonderful way to discover what you’re feeling, what you want, to have ideas, explore your thoughts about something or even make plans for your life.

For some journal prompt ideas, check out 5 Journaling Prompts to Nourish & Strengthen you as the Seasons Change

And if you’d like some help getting started journaling, try this How to Journal article from Lynda Monk at the IAJW (International Association for Journal Writing).

Get Started Lady for CONNECT

Other practices that help us CONNECT to ourselves include

Wrap-upFierce Kindness Logo

Connecting deeply to ourselves is at the root of a meaningful and happy life. It’s the first and most important step towards a more fulfilling life.

What one action/thing will you do to begin to connect more deeply to your true self?

I’d love to know what you think—share your comments below.

Change the world. Start with you!

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Image of Confident Happy Self-Connected Women holding book by drobotdean via freepik

Image of Happy connected woman looking in mirror illustration by goodstudiominsk via freepik

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