Tools to Build Your Resilience: 3) Take Charge of Your Destiny!

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Welcome to this fourth article in the resilience series—and how to grow it 🙂 You can read the resilience introduction here. You can also see what beliefs power our resilience and give us a strong, healthy mindset. And explore why it’s so important to cultivate joy and aliveness in your life here.

In this article we look at a possibly surprising factor in resilience: taking charge of your own destiny!

Let’s start with a look at the opposite of resilience…

Imagine for a second that you feel completely disempowered:

You think you have no ability to control or influence a situation.
You believe nothing you do will make a difference.
You’re stuck. You think other people are pulling the strings—and you’re at the whim of fate.

This is not only depressing, but it discourages taking action. Why bother? Nothing will change anyway!

This is the opposite of resilience. Because when we don’t believe we have the power to change anything we give up hope. We stop trying, achieve less and are usually miserable and unhappy.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” Alice Walker

Being in ‘the driving seat’ of your life is key to feeling resilient…

Now imagine that you feel empowered. You believe:

The actions you take—and don’t take—are what determine the course of your life.
You have the power (with hard work as needed) to live and create your life the way you want.

These beliefs make you resilient. You feel in the driving seat of your life—and will keep trying to make your life the way you want it. And. When challenging things happen, you believe you have the power to do something about it.

So, how does taking charge of your destiny boost your resilience?

Well, we all experience both successes and challenges in our lives.

And if you believe you have the power to affect your own life, you’re going to take action to create the life you want—and avoid the things you don’t.

This is taking charge of your own destiny!

Taking action to create your own destiny increases your resilience in 3 ways:

It’s good for the soul! It feels positive, hopeful and uplifting to believe you can take action to steer the course of your life.
You’re constantly improving your life situation, which helps you feel better about your life—and stronger.
But crucially, as you look ahead, taking control of your destiny also means you’re more prepared and ready when things go wrong…

And this makes you more resilient and able to handle life’s challenges that inevitably lie ahead.

OK, so it’s time to take charge of your own destiny!

“What is opportunity, and when does it knock? It never knocks. You can wait a whole lifetime, listening, hoping, and you will hear no knocking. None at all. You are opportunity, and you must knock on the door leading to your destiny.” Maxwell Maltz

7 Ways to Take Charge of Your Destiny

If destiny is understood as: “the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future”, here are 7 helpful ways you can create and take control of your destiny:

1) Get clear on what you want in life

Know how you want your day to day life to be—and what’s getting in the way—with this journaling exercise:
- Describe your ideal day. Imagine waking up, and write out how you would feel, what you would do (or not do!), who’s around you—and all the things that would make up your ideal day.
- Then consider, “What stops me from creating this?”
Set goals. Goals are simply there to focus your mind on what you want from life. And there are so many ways to set goals, from the big to the small:
- Creating some HUGs – Huge Unbelievable Goals
- Set Annual Goals (the Fierce Kindness 2025 Goals Planner coming soon!)
- Set 3 Month Goals
- Simply make a list of 25 Things You’d Like to Do!

Take control of your destiny by getting really clear on what you want in life and setting goals to get there.

2) Know (and use) your strengths!

Here are 10 questions to help identify your strengths.
What new ways can you use your strengths—at work, home, in your life in general?

Take control of your destiny and identify specific opportunities to make a difference or grow yourself using your strengths.

3) Make yourself invaluable at work

Our world is increasingly VUCA: Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous. And this means the world of work is changing—fast. Take a moment to consider the future of your role, career and industry and ensure you have a job in the future.

Do some research on what’s happening in your field. This could be changes as a result of COVID, new technology (AI perhaps), new research, economic or political factors and any other thing you can think of.
Thinking about potential changes in your field, where might you do well going forwards? Where might you get left behind?
How can you make yourself even more valuable in the future? What training, learning or even experience could you add to your resume?

Take control of your destiny and make an action plan: What you can do now, to ensure you still have work in the future?

4) Strengthen relationships with those who are most important to you

Thinking about both your work and personal life, make a list of the Top 10 most important people in your life.
For each person, ask yourself: How can I strengthen this relationship?
How do you spend time with them? And how would you like to spend time with them?

Take control of your destiny by strengthening your important relationships—and ensuring these relationships stay strong.

5) Be financially resilient

When times get hard (whatever that looks like), our finances usually take a hit. So be prepared for the inevitable ups and downs of life:

What events in your life might you want or need to prepare for?
How much you spend on a monthly basis? How much of that is “essential” and “non-essential” spending? What is your absolute monthly minimum you need to get by?
What do you need to do to ensure you stay financially sound, through both good and bad times?

Take control of your destiny by making an action plan now to minimise negative impacts—or maximise positive impacts—on your finances going forwards.

6) Let go of what no longer serves you

Letting go of things helps us feel lighter and freer. It gives us more energy. And the more time and energy we have, the easier it is to feel strong—and resilient.

Where do you hold yourself back in life?
What is not working for you? What drains you or drags you down?
What do you need to forgive (or simply accept) in your life?
What can you let go of (physically or mentally) that will make you feel better and stronger?

Take control of your destiny by making a list, and deciding what you’re willing to let go of so that you have more energy for you.

7) Stop wasting time on things you cannot control!

Focus your energy on what you can control. These are things you have power over: your own thoughts, actions and decisions.
Next, recognize what you can only influence. These are things you can’t control, but may have some influence eg. what other people think, decide or do.
Finally, recognize what you have no control over and stop trying to control these outcomes! Examples could be questions on an exam paper or the traffic situation on any give day. It’s a complete waste of your time and energy.

Take control of your destiny and recognize what you can—and cannot—control in your life. This helps you preserve your precious time and energy so you can enjoy life more—and be more resilient when hard things do happen.

Wrap-up

There is nothing so dispiriting (and resilience draining!) as thinking you don’t have agency, power and control over your life.

If you want to feel resilient, you must believe you have the power to change things. But importantly, you must also empower yourself and take charge of your own destiny. This means you must take action to create the life you want—and also prepare for the challenges that inevitably lie ahead.

So get in the driving seat of your life! Take control of your destiny, get out there and create that life you want—and deserve.

Here are 3 final quotes to inspire you:

“We need resilience and hope and a spirit that can carry us through the doubt and fear. We need to believe that we can effect change if we want to live and love with our whole hearts.” Brené Brown
“I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.” William Ernest Henley
“Resilience is knowing that you are the only one that has the power and the responsibility to pick yourself up.” Mary Holloway

Finally, remember: Resilience is a skill! So you can build healthy resilience and make life easier—if you work at it, take care of—and believe in you.

We’d love to hear what works for you! How do you take control of your destiny? Share in the comments below.

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Image of For Resilience: Confident Woman in orange sweater holding chin looking directly at camera by Roman Samborskyi via Shutterstock

Image of Image of Resilient Woman Pondering Ideas (Chalkboard) by ESB Professional via Shutterstock