Tall Poppy Syndrome: What it is, Why it Happens + 7 Strategies to Help!

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Have you ever felt guilty for doing well? Been shamed for being good at something? Told off when you were feeling proud? Well it might have been Tall Poppy Syndrome.

Growing up, it probably sounded like:

Don’t get too big for your boots!
Your head will get so big it won’t fit through the door.
Think of how others will feel before you speak!
Who do you think you are?
Pride comes before a fall…

Tall Poppy Syndrome is common around the world—and women are particularly affected. In fact, according to a 2023 study by Dr. Rumeet Billan¹, 87% of the 4710 women surveyed from 103 countries had experienced Tall Poppy Syndrome at work.

In this article about Tall Poppy Syndrome you’ll find:

What is Tall Poppy Syndrome?
How to Spot Someone Who Suffers with Tall Poppy Syndrome
Tall Poppy Syndrome is a Big Obstacle to Growth
- Broader Societal Implications…
Why do people “Prune” our Tall Poppies?
- 3 Types of Tall Poppy Syndrome “Pruners”
7 Strategies to Stay Strong and Manage Tall Poppy Syndrome
Wrap-up (let’s help everyone succeed!)
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So, What is Tall Poppy Syndrome?

Just like a tall poppy in a field, a ‘Tall Poppy’ is someone who stands out from the crowd—a person who has stretched out and grown tall over the heads of others.

Perhaps they have more knowledge, expertise or are more skilled and talented. Maybe they have succeeded where those around them have not, or can’t yet. And they are often women.

Tall Poppy Syndrome is a cultural phenomenon where people are resented, bullied, criticised or shunned because of their success, status or achievements.

Tall Poppies are viewed with suspicion, envy and resentment and are often subjected to criticism and malicious gossip. And the shaming, guilt or criticism can be both subtle and direct.

Sadly, some people just feel the need to cut those Tall Poppies ‘down to size’.

How to Spot Someone Who Suffers with Tall Poppy Syndrome

Tall Poppies often struggle to stand out because they’ve learned it isn’t safe. Do you (or someone you know):

Brush off compliments and downplay your successes?
Doubt yourself even when you’re genuinely talented?
Find it hard to trust praise and receive it without deflecting?
Avoid opportunities that could bring positive attention?
Struggle to share wins or ask for what you deserve?
Dumb yourself down because you find it hard to be your full self in the world?

What about:

Not trying too hard?
Setting smaller goals?
Minimising your accomplishments?
Avoiding openly expressing your talents?
Learning not to share your successes—and keeping quiet when life is going well for you?

If these sound familiar, you’re not alone.

Tall Poppy Syndrome is a Big Obstacle to Growth

Human beings are highly social creatures, so when we’re judged and excluded by others, we tend to feel shame (I am bad/unworthy).

Interestingly, shame is one of the few universal emotions found in all cultures around the globe. And it’s specifically designed to make us feel terrible.

Why? The evolutionary purpose of shame was to keep the tribe safe from danger. How? Well, when a tribe member did something that endangered the group, they were shamed. And this shame literally makes people feel so bad that (in theory) they’ll avoid doing whatever they did again…

So shame has a real purpose. And it works! But it can also be abused and misused.

This is exactly what happens with Tall Poppies. They internalise the judgement and exclusion they experience, and learn to shrink themselves back down to size—so they don’t have to feel that shame again.

So it makes complete sense that people who struggle with Tall Poppy Syndrome want to stop being a target—by not growing taller than anyone else.

But there are Broader Societal Implications…

Each of us has unique talents and skills. But when people worry too much about how others feel about our success, we end up with an environment of conformity and mediocrity—because people are afraid to excel and stand out.

And when Tall Poppy Syndrome runs rampant we can find ourselves discouraging excellence, innovation and creativity.

Ultimately Tall Poppy Syndrome creates negative morale and a mistrusting atmosphere where people hide who they are and no-one feels safe.

And yes, it can get complicated because we live in a society with a huge imbalance. Some people start life with many advantages, and others must battle their entire lives. But that doesn’t mean we should shame people for genuinely succeeding…

So why do people “Prune” our Tall Poppies?

There are many reasons that some people feel the need to ‘cut others down to size’. And those reasons can be personal—and sometimes supposedly for the greater good.

Many people do mean well…

Pruning ‘Tall Poppies’ can be used as a way to ‘level the playing field’ so people who are less successful don’t feel bad about themselves.

This could look like a teacher saying, “Let’s give someone else a chance” when the bright student raises their hand. Or it might be a manager pulling a high performer aside to say, “You’re making the rest of the team look bad—perhaps you could ease up?” Or a parent telling their child to “tone it down at Grandma’s house” so their cousins don’t feel less at the family gathering.

It is kind and thoughtful to be aware when we share our successes of what’s going on in other people’s lives. For example we should think carefully about sharing our awesome bonus with someone who has just lost their job. And there is a time and a place to let a younger sibling win a game or two.

But while cutting one person down to size so that no-one feels bad about themselves seems like a noble goal, it actually hurts all of us.

Because when someone’s successes and strengths become shame-worthy, we’re sending a message to everyone:

Don’t succeed (too much) or this could happen to you too…

And then, of course, there are also people who do not mean well…

3 Types of Tall Poppy Syndrome “Pruners”

There are 3 main types of Tall Poppy pruners and it helps to understand the intentions behind the people who put us in our place.

People who want to PROTECT US from what other people think.
- These are often the people who care most about us like our parents and grandparents.
- When they tell us off for being big-headed they mistakenly believe they’re protecting us from ourselves.
People who want to PROTECT THEMSELVES. These people feel personally threatened by your successes and achievements and they fall into 2 sub-types:
- People who see you as a THREAT. They’re trying to knock out the competition and will feel better (and do better) if you stopped trying so hard, or if other people liked you less.
- People who worry you’ll LEAVE THEM BEHIND. These people worry that if you get too strong/successful you won’t have any more need for them. So they’re trying to keep you from outgrowing them…
Lastly, there are people who think they are PROTECTING OTHERS. They feel the need to teach you a lesson or slow you down—for the betterment of society, or the people around us.

Given how culturally ingrained it is, it’s unlikely (for now) that we can avoid Tall Poppy Syndrome altogether.

But there are things we can do to make it easier for ourselves, others—and maybe even contribute to the change we wish to see…

One Thing to Avoid…

Ditch the forced humility! Don’t tone yourself down or pretend to be less than you are just to avoid being ‘pruned’.

I love humbleness—it’s a real strength to recognise we’re no more special than anyone else and honour those who’ve helped us along the way.

But genuine humility comes from truth, not fear. Don’t choose it just to avoid criticism.

7 Strategies to Stay Strong and Manage Tall Poppy Syndrome

1) Let go of the guilt!

Stop feeling guilty for who you are. We all have different strengths, skills, talents and gifts—and the world needs yours.

If someone hasn’t discovered their own yet, that isn’t your fault. And making yourself smaller won’t help them grow.

PS. When you dim your light you’re role modelling that other people should dim theirs too…

2) Become excellent at giving credit to others (where it is due)

This is tricky because Tall Poppies can get into a habit of deflecting credit onto others as a way to avoid being ‘pruned’.

So don’t deflect. Take the credit you are owed.

AND then, when appropriate, be sure to generously credit anyone who helped you along the way.

3) Decide to stop worrying what others think!

There will always be someone, somewhere who will find fault with you. Even (especially) if you’re good at something.

So, make a choice to stop worrying what other people think. Instead, focus on your own vision and goals. Be true to yourself. Live your values. And continue being the best version of yourself.

If you limit your actions in life to things that nobody can possibly find fault with, you will not do much. Lewis Carroll

4) Own and Use Your Strengths

Figure out what you’re good at—and then use those gifts fully to be—and do—your best! Don’t hold back, don’t water yourself down.

When you own your strengths, you maximise your chances of success AND become a role model for others. Plus, we tend to enjoy what we’re good at—so life gets more fun too!

You may also like this article to Identify Your Hidden Strengths!

5) Celebrate other people’s successes and great qualities!

We could all get better at noticing and celebrating what other people are good at too!

So, when someone you know has a win, be the first to give credit and honour them. Be generous (yet authentic) with your acknowledgement—and specific too. “Well done!” is nice, but, “I noticed how much work you put into that project” will land more deeply.

When we celebrate others’ successes and appreciate their strengths, we contribute to a positive culture of support and encouragement. We literally role model the world we want to see.

PS. It also makes it much harder for those ‘pruners’ to do their work—it’s hard to cut someone down when others are cheering them on!

6) Build strong relationships

Do you have a support team? A group of people who think you’re awesome? Who will celebrate your successes with you and encourage you to do—and be—more?

These are the people who will help you deal with Tall Poppy Syndrome.

So if you don’t have a ‘Spark Team’, it’s time to start! These people help mitigate the impact of Tall Poppy Syndrome. They listen, support, encourage— and remind us—that we are fabulous just the way we are.

You may also like this article 7 Types of People You Need to Have in Your Life!

7) Talk about it!

Lastly, one final way to overcome Tall Poppy Syndrome is to talk about it. Let people know about the negative impacts.

So, when you see an opportunity, use prompts like these to start a conversation:

If we penalise someone for being good at their jobs or for succeeding, what does that mean for other people (or you) when they succeed?
Isn’t Tall Poppy Syndrome really just another form of bullying? (exclusion, unnecessary criticism, gossip, malicious envy)
Women especially seem to suffer from Tall Poppy Syndrome. Why do you think that is?
Yes, we live in a society that is unhealthily fixated on winning. But does that mean we need to put people down when they do succeed?
Why can’t we have participation badges AND acknowledge people who do well?
How can we help everyone find their own unique strengths?
How can we celebrate each other more so everyone feels good?
Can we find ways to celebrate success that inspires and includes others—like focusing on how hard someone worked and who else made it possible?

Other people’s success brings out the best in each of us

When people pull others down for succeeding, we create a society that is afraid to excel—and that damages everyone.

Because when we see other people achieve and succeed—we see what we might be capable of.

Consider that until Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile, no-one thought it was possible. But once he broke the record, suddenly everyone else was doing 4 minute miles too…

Wrap-up (let’s help everyone succeed!)

Tall Poppy Syndrome experiences—or even the fear of them—are a huge block to our personal growth. And it negatively impacts our whole society too.

Pruning Tall Poppies is a terrible misuse of energy. And it IS a form of bullying.

Do you know a Tall Poppy? Someone who learned that it’s dangerous to stand out? Yourself? A friend or partner?

Well, whoever is making you (or them) feel bad—whether it’s colleagues, a sibling, sports coach, mom, friend, lover or even our own inner critic—it’s not OK! Use the 7 strategies above to help you carve a new path.

Instead, let’s create a more positive world together! Next time you notice yourself or someone you know holding back—not celebrating, not acknowledging their strengths, not taking a risk and going for it in life—tell them about Tall Poppy Syndrome. And help them stand tall…

…and maybe spread the word by sharing this article with them!

Change the world. Start with you!

Which idea was most helpful? What suggestions do you have? Share your thoughts in the comments below 🙂

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Reference:

¹ See Dr. Rumeet Billan’s Whitepaper: The Tallest Poppy:
How the workforce is cutting ambitious women down >>

Image of A field of poppies with one tall poppy for tall poppy syndrome by Mny-Jhee via Shutterstock

Image of Tall Woman wearing red by Kraken Images