Fierce Self-Kindness: Where True Strength Begins

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Does it feel like our world is heading in the wrong direction? Well, with everything going on right now, we need Fierce Kindness more than ever. And in February, we’re focusing on Fierce Self-Kindness.

Because a kinder world, perhaps surprisingly, starts with you!

And as we change how we treat ourselves, not only are we happier and more successful, but there’s also a ripple effect of kindness that spreads out into the world.

Here’s what Fierce Kindness Community member Kathy Coleman wrote:

“I’ve truly noticed that when I’m kind to myself, it deepens my relationships. My relationship with my husband, friends and acquaintances are all better today because I am consciously taking more action in being kinder to myself. When I first started to notice this, I thought to myself, “It can’t be this simple,” but the more I kept trying to be kinder to myself (especially in how I was speaking to myself), the more I kept noticing how words to others were coming out kinder as well. It’s amazing and I now see this in my friends and their relationships as well. I am truly grateful for all of this awareness and kindness!”

But what does Self-Kindness actually look like?

Well, at its heart, it’s being your own best friend, nurturing parent and wise inner guide—all at once. It’s loving and accepting yourself unconditionally.

But what does this look like in practice? Here are a few examples:

Talking kindly to yourself, especially when things go wrong
Paying attention to your needs—physical and emotional—and actually honouring them
Slowing down instead of rushing
Doing less, saying no when needed—and having fewer commitments in your calendar (so you have breathing room)
Being patient and understanding with yourself when you make a mistake

Self-Kindness means checking in and paying attention to you, listening to what you need and value—and crucially—respecting yourself enough to take action.

The easiest Self-Kindness practice?

Simply ask yourself: What do I truly, deeply need right now?

Place your hand on your heart if you like. Pause. Listen.
Sometimes you’ll need to do something. Sometimes you’ll need to NOT do something. Sometimes you just need acknowledgment—or some kind words from yourself.
What matters is that you listen and take care of you.

Because Self-Kindness makes you strong and resilient!

Think about it. We get stronger physically when we rest and take care of our bodies.

And we get stronger mentally and emotionally when we listen to our heart, and take care of our selves.

Here’s what most people get wrong:

We think that if we’re not hard on ourselves, we won’t get things done. That our inner critic is somehow motivating us.

But the opposite is true.

Being hard on ourselves creates anxiety, shame—and leads to exhaustion. It also leads us to avoid looking at our mistakes because it’s too painful.

Being tough drains the very energy we need to help us learn and move forward.

Instead, when we’re kind and understanding with ourselves we have more energy. We’re more willing to honestly examine what went wrong—so we can learn and grow. And we bounce back faster.

Self-Kindness doesn’t make you soft, it makes you strong and resilient.

Self-Kindness is where true strength begins!

And Fierce Self-Kindness makes you unstoppable

Kindness is simply a form of love that we can apply no matter who—or what.

Fierce Self-Kindness goes beyond regular self-kindness to see the truth of what we need, not just what we want in the moment—or think we “should” do.

Regular Self-Kindness might say, “You’re tired, rest.”
But Fierce Self-Kindness goes deeper. It asks: “What do I truly need?”—not just what we want in the moment or think we ‘should’ do.

Fierce Self-Kindness is about holding yourself accountable, doing the right thing for yourself and others—even when it’s hard. It’s about staying aligned with your priorities and values.

The Fierceness adds courage, strength, determination or perseverance as necessary.

It’s kindness with backbone.

Fierce Kindness is literally a way of being that changes how we show up in the world

When we’re not constantly arguing with ourselves or running on empty, something shifts. We’re more patient. More present. More at peace.

We have the strength and resilience to take everything in our stride: the good, the bad and the ugly.

This is how the Self-Kindness ripple spreads

From this grounded place, we naturally treat others with more kindness. We have more to give because we’re not depleted.

And this kindness ripple spreads outward—to our partner, friends, colleagues, people we pass on the street.

But it doesn’t stop there.

As we grow stronger, we can actively choose kindness in the world asking:

Where else can I be kind? To whom? Online? At work or in my community? To our planet?

When we live in alignment with our priorities and values, when we love and take care of ourselves physically and mentally, when we’re kind and understanding in everything we do—we really do become unstoppable!

Wrap-up

There is so much going on in our world right now: war, political division, environmental extremes, disasters, sweeping changes from AI and technology, struggling economies.

Our world needs more kindness—and courage—now more than ever.

We need courageous people to be kinder. And we need kind people to be more courageous.

We need you.

But first? You need you!

So this February, I invite you to practice Fierce Self-Kindness. Because as you step into self-kindness as a way of being—as you take care of yourself fiercely—you become part of making the world a better place.

And that kindness ripple you create? It travels further than you’ll ever know.

I’ll leave you with a final quote:

We need to learn how to practice love such that care—for ourselves and others—is understood as political resistance and cultivating resilience. Adrienne Maree Brown

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Image of Strong woman smiling and making a heart shape with her hands by Roman+Samborskyi via Shutterstocl