When is it OK to say “No”? | With Helpful Graphics!

Saying “No” is something many people find challenging! Our culture teaches us that it’s good to say “Yes”, to juggle a million things, and achieve as much as we can in as short a time-frame as possible.

Women especially, are raised from a young age to be “nice”, helpful and considerate of others. But as a result of all our “Yes”s, stress and overwhelm are endemic in modern culture. And our fear of saying “No” means we don’t set boundaries with others and get taken advantage of.

Once upon a time, we loved saying “No”!

Our fear of “No” is ironic, because in childhood most of us went through an exciting phase of finding our power: stamping our foot and saying “No”.

But many of us were shamed for these “Nos”. At the very least our “Nos” made our caregivers angry, stressed or exasperated with us. So we learned to say “Yes”, even when we didn’t want to.

Now, as adults, we know that when we say “No”, whether to a colleague, family member or friend, we are disappointing them. By saying “No” we’re making their life more difficult. And because we also know how hard it can be to ask for help, sometimes saying “No” can feel like rejecting someone who has been brave and vulnerable with us.

But is it right to cause harm to ourselves, so that we make someone else feel better?

Where is that line between taking care of ourselves and taking care of others?

Because I bet that all too often you’re sacrificing your energy, time and skills to help someone else, leaving yourself tired and drained.

So, when is it OK to Say “No”?

Here’s a fun slider with graphics that answer the question: