These last couple of weeks I haven’t been my usual self. In part this is due to feeling trapped while I recover from my knee surgery – and am severely limited in my abilities and activities. And in part it’s because I’ve been thinking (possibly a little too much) about everything that’s going on in the world. I think I’m probably experiencing weltschmerz or “world sadness”.
Weltschmerz explained on Wikipedia.
And of course COVID is also limiting us. It’s been over 6 months now, and small pleasures like a dinner out, a day thrift-shopping with friends (a favourite treat for me), or having a fun party are all still off-limits. Never mind the challenges of grocery shopping, visiting elderly relatives, getting kids back to school, exercising and many more. There have been so many changes in our lives and we’re still having to adapt to new rules.
And the seasons are now changing…
In addition, we’ve just passed an Equinox – one of two dates annually where the hours of daylight and darkness are equal.
This means that in the northern hemisphere we’re heading towards fall – and winter. And our southern hemisphereal friends are heading into spring and summer.
What do we have to look forward to? We can’t book vacations, romantic dinners, have gatherings or our big celebrations.
And I find myself wondering how us “Northerners” are going to get through the coming winter? COVID will likely bring increased socialising restrictions, and many businesses remain closed – or have to close for good.
Of course then I start feeling guilty as I remember that many people are struggling financially, have lost jobs, businesses, loved ones. And in less industrialised countries people are struggling just to get food and survive…
And yet. This doesn’t negate how we feel, and the very real restrictions we are all under. Remember that “loss of autonomy” is one of 5 universal human fears.
This week’s featured inspirational quote
I was reminded of this beautiful quote by author and all-round rebel Albert Camus:
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. Albert Camus
So, as we head into a change of season with a continuation of – and possibly increase in – restrictions, we need to find and connect with our own “invincible summer”.
Specifically, we need to focus on finding and building our resilience, even – especially – as winter and more difficulty beckons.
5 Tools to Build Your Resilience:
1) Be thankful (but don’t force it)
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melody Beattie
I have a complicated relationship with gratitude. It comes from being called selfish and ungrateful as a child – so I prefer the word thankful. But it’s more than that. There is a part of the self-growth industry that insists we must be grateful, as if this alone will solve the world’s problems. And it can become all too easy to shame people for NOT feeling grateful for their life situation.
For example, right now:
- I am NOT grateful for COVID. Yet I can see that there are good things that can and will come out of it.
- I am NOT grateful for my physical restrictions – but I have definitely learned, thought and grown a lot from it.
So gratitude is undoubtedly a spiritual practice, and an important one. But don’t force it.
What we are thankful for teaches us what is most important. And in these times where we have all lost vital freedoms, as well as the safety and trust in life we’ve come to rely on, gratitude helps us heal, learn and grow by appreciating what we usually take for granted; our suffering helps us appreciate what we’ve lost.
Instead work towards making gratitude a healthy habit, a positive way of looking at our life and world. AND be sure to acknowledge what you truly feel FIRST without forcing yourself to feel grateful when you’re upset or struggling.
Tool 1) 3 Steps to ThankfulnessTake 3 minutes and a deep breath…STEP 1) Begin by acknowledging how you truly feel in this moment. And if necessary, be kind to yourself.
STEP 2) Ask yourself, “What do I have to be grateful for in this moment?”
STEP 3) Take a moment to really feel into the gratitude.
A couple of extra ideas for you:
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2) Create things to look forward to (that keep you “alive”!)
Goals are not only absolutely necessary to motivate us. They are essential to really keep us alive. Robert H. Schuller
Aliveness is a quality where we are connected to – and engaged with – life. And often when we feel bored or disengaged from life it’s because we don’t have things to look forward to.
- Small things we look forward to – and enjoy – give our physiology a boost, and can create a helpful distraction from difficulty and challenge.*
- Larger things we look forward to, assuming they go well – and especially when they don’t – become markers in our lives, breaking up the routine of everyday life and creating lasting memories.
Right now, as many of us head into winter and more COVID restrictions, it’s important to find a way to create things to look forward to. And then of course (hopefully) enjoy them.
It’s a little like setting a series of mini-goals – commitments to yourself – that will keep you looking ahead with a smile.
So, choose some things you’ll enjoy doing, plan them in your diary – perhaps spreading them out over the next few months to maximise the impact. Then, make a conscious effort to “look forward to” doing them!
Tool 2) Maintain Your Aliveness7 ideas to create things to look forward to!
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* Of course we shouldn’t overuse pleasurable activities as a distraction from life’s challenges. But when used consciously, these things can be helpful.
3) Take control of your own destiny
“What is opportunity, and when does it knock? It never knocks. You can wait a whole lifetime, listening, hoping, and you will hear no knocking. None at all. You are opportunity, and you must knock on the door leading to your destiny. You prepare yourself to recognize opportunity, to pursue and seize opportunity as you develop the strength of your personality, and build a self-image with which you are able to live — with your self-respect alive and growing.” Maxwell Maltz
Whilst the concept may seem tired now, the idea that we can use this time to grow – and learn something new – is still extremely valid.
What new perspectives do you now have on yourself, life, the world? Because there is still much we can do to take control of our own destiny…
Tool 3) Create Your Own Destiny7 ways to take control of your life
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4) Make Your Life Meaning-Filled
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. Victor Frankl
Meaning doesn’t magically exist. We must create it for ourselves…
What do you value? What is most important to you in life? And how can you ensure you’re spending time being and doing what matters most to you?
Well, a great way to feel fulfilled is simply to live your values – every day. This doesn’t have to be done perfectly – but knowing we are living our values is one way to create meaning in our lives.
Tool 4) Consciously Live Your ValuesHow well are you living your values right now?
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5) Take good care of yourself!
“Something’s got to give. Don’t let it be you.”
Stever Robbins
There is a truism: If you don’t make time for health, you’ll have to make time for sickness.
So, last on this list is that we must take care of ourselves, not just physically – but mentally/emotionally too. Because when we don’t take care of ourselves physically and mentally, we end up exhausted (and when we’re exhausted we’re more likely to get sick).
This self-care goes includes acknowledging how you truly feel (not how you think you should feel), being kind to yourself and taking care of our needs.
And while the “oxygen mask principle” tells us that we must take care of ourselves first so that we’re in a position to help others, we shouldn’t be taking care of ourselves just so we can help others.
Remember that you are valuable. You deserve your own care and attention.
And as the COVID pandemic continues, we’re all going to have to get better at accepting reality, learning how to unconditionally love ourselves, and managing difficult feelings.
Tool 5) Self-Care and KindnessThe 2 most important self-care tools:TOOL 1) Sleep. There really is no better self-care tool than sleep, and most of us operate with far too little sleep – both in terms of amount (hours) and quality. Yet there are many easy ways to practice good sleep hygiene; we probably know them already, we’re just not making them a priority.
TOOL 2) Connecting (and Listening) to Yourself. This is really the ultimate in self-kindness. To deeply listen – and meet our own needs.
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W
rap-up
Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. Christian D. Larson
We have more power than we realise to influence our reality and take control of our lives – even (especially!) during this pandemic. We can build a greater resilience that we thought possible – if we work at it, take care of, and believe in ourselves…
Remember these 5 ways you can build resilience:
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Change the world, start with you!
If you liked this article, you may also like:
- 27 Inspirational Gratitude Quotes (Plus a Super Simple Gratitude Exercise!)
- How to Forest Bathe – and Why!
- 15 Fabulous Ways For You to “Grow” While Staying Home
Image of Feature Image of Strong, Resilient Woman by Carlos David via Shutterstock
Image of Moon with sun in background by LoganArt via Pixabay
Image of Thankful Woman on Tan Background Building Resilience by Free-Photos via Pixabay
Image of Woman Planting Bulbs by Victoria Kondysenko via Shutterstock
Image of Resilient Woman Pondering Ideas (Chalkboard) by ESB Professional via Shutterstock
Image of Woman with hand over heart to build resilience by michaelheim via Shutterstock
Image of Flowers and Mug with Zzzs on by mepsita via Pixabay
I needed this. Thank you.
Dear Janet! That is lovely to hear 🙂 Thank-you for taking the time to comment! Warmly, Emma-Louise